eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
