i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
