Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
