but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
