Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
