There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I understand Curling. That high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
