i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
