I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
