Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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