The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
