Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
