Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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