Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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