You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
