whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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