drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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