Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
