I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
