Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They are going to name an STD after you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
