he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
