I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
