if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, he came in my armpit
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
