last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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