Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
