I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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