ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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