My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hippo gnu deer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
