i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
