The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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