I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
