PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
