No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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