Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
