I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
