God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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