why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
