are you still at the devil's house?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
