i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
