Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
