dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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