i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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