Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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