yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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