I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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