id be glad to
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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