maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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