get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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