I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
