You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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