this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
