Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
