Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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