My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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