Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
