She is in my trunk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
