you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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