my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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