I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
