I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
