Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
