I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
