I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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