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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
