maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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