So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize