I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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