May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
