3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
