dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize