Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize