So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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