I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
