Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
