Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
