I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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