Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
