who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
