Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
