You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
