The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
