dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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