I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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