i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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