she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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