well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
