dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
