go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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