I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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