It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
