I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize