Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
