"it" just moved
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
