So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
