i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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